Blended Families

I will offend some with this post. It's nothing new. Just a forewarning in case you are currently not in the mood to entertain an opinion likely to offend you. Now, Let's proceed. I don't like blended families. Not loathing or abhorrence. I simply do not like it. Theoretically, if everyone plays nice and makes the welfare of the offspring of such unions a priority, then it's a cool thing to be a part of. Theoretically. Now I can only speak on what I know; my experience and observations. I was born into a blended family as well my own children. So I've been a child and an adult in both situations. It doesn't work. In this day and age, people (most) in this society, lack the maturity not to mention finances to adequately balance the responsibilities of a relationship with one woman; let alone two (and if it's 3 or more . . . run!). It's just not ideal. Three reasons . . .

1. Maturity
2. Finances
3. Home field advantage 

        Allow me to explain. As I've stated previously, most people lack the maturity to allow such a union to flourish. Some people like to forget that when a child is involved in a relationship, just because the romantic aspect has come to an end; the relationship with that person has not. It's difficult enough to prevent misconstruction from dissolving a relationship in which only two people are involved. Now add in a second party (or third) and misinterpretation is a manifestation you will encounter daily. Sometimes multiple times in the day. One must be grounded in patience and consideration to be able to give and receive the communication necessary to co-parent a child(ren). All it takes is one person to decide that their needs come first and the very fabric that holds the family together will begin to unravel. All parties involved must possess this kind of maturity. This doesn't happen often. 

        Now add in finances. It takes money to raise a child. Point . . . Blank . . . Period. One can only work so much. The money that a non-custodial parent makes has to be enough to support both families. Or what? Someone has to go without. The children come first so that leaves the adults. Someone is going to end up with the bad end of the stick. And if that person doesn't have their own fiances in order, it's safe to say that their ability to tolerate the situation will be severely limited. Is it even fair to ask or expect someone to remain in a situation that is detrimental to their financial security? And what is financial security? Food and shelter alone does not raise a child. Is your new partner willing to forgo future aspirations (vacation, college, new car, etc) for the sake of unexpected expenses (extracurricular activities, medical procedures, daycare, etc) caused by a child you created with someone else. Is it fair to even put someone in that situation? It's not an easy thing to balance. 

        And lastly, home field advantage. What's that? It's the mere fact that nothing replaces a parent that lives in the actual home. It's better than money. You have to work and sleep. How many hours in day is there left to spend with the people in your home? Now, what's left for the people outside of it? Depending on the kind of person you are, it is way more beneficial to be around you consistently, then it is to ever receive monetary support. Jealousy is an ugly beast but you explain that to a child who watches their half sibling go home with their parent every night. Tell that to a custodial parent that would like a 10 minute break from a colicky child at 0200 hours. Might I add the boundaries that must exist so as not to confuse things. No, you cannot be in that family portrait. No, you are not invited to Thanksgiving dinner or the wedding. This is your brother's grandmother but not your grandmother. Well, his mother lets him do that but yours doesn't so sit this one out. Mother's day and Father's day are voluntary holidays all of a sudden. You know? If you want to get your father a gift . . . etc. 

        This isn't to encourage or discourage anyone from engaging in a relationship in which the person already has a child with someone else. It's not something people usually think about until the run head first into an obstacle. And by then, already entangled into a web so thick the likelihood of  ever removing yourself from it is diminished. My only intention is to raise awareness to issues normally not bought to the forefront when entering these complex relationships. And of course, my usual mission to promote educated and conscientiousness decision making. God bless.