Men Are Allowed to Hit Back

Lately, I've been involved in a myriad of conversations surrounding the topic of domestic violence. And due to recent highlights in the media, the opinions of people weighing in on the subject of a man putting his hands on a woman can be heard everywhere. I am surprised to say that in the year 2014, many people agree with Whoopi Goldberg's sentiment that a female who agitates a man enough is deserving of  physical reprisal from him. What really shocks me is that I hear this thought fall out of the mouths of mothers. Mothers of sons as well as daughters. Let's explore this. We can all agree that men and women are built differently. Men are inherently stronger than women. Traditionally for providing and protecting his family. I mean, I'm just throwing that out there. Women are more emotional and sensitive by nature. The very nature necessary to raise defenseless infants into independent adults that will contribute to society. The very nature needed to rear a boy into a strong man that provides and protects. And let me say here and now that I believe that neither party should be get a pass to hit the other. Man or woman. Period. I also believe that a huge part of being a man is choosing his mate wisely. Now that goes both ways however it seems I live in a society that hardly ever condemns a man for basing his choice for a partner solely on aesthetics. There are many times where it is clear that a female is violent yet a man continues to pursue her because she offers easy access to sexual stimulation and or because he finds her physically attractive. It's shallow. And guess what? You pay for irresponsible decisions the same way you reap rewards for wise one. I can't tell you how many times I've been told by a man that they knew their significant other was "crazy" before they were involved in a relationship and they still pursued them. They choose to stay and produce children in these dysfunctional relationships. Some find it humorous. Cute even. So they ignore the signs until a spark turns into an explosion. The violent tantrums that were once "cute" are no longer. Even now after they've ignored the obvious signs that the two were clearly incompatible, they still have a chance to save face and walk away. But they don't take that last opportunity. They get undignified and find a reason to hit her for being herself.  Hilariously, this "bad bitch" generation that prizes women with violent attitudes actually points a finger at . . . you guessed it. The female. Makes perfect sense. Condemn the very behavior you encourage. People pass judgement based on what little they know and encourage the excuses these men pathetically exclaim. "She hit me first!" Sometimes the same men who would not tolerate any excuse for such violent exhibitions towards their own mother or daughter. But this woman who you chose voluntarily is somehow different because you put your dick inside of her. Hmmm. Perhaps as a society, we should be telling our sons and daughters to choose their company wisely. Teaching them what to look out for and how to diffuse a potentially violent situation instead of telling them that they are allowed to hit someone if the situation gets to extreme. A match doesn't light up on it's own. Whoopi saying her belief is justified because she doesn't hit anyone does nothing to protect our sons and daughters in the future. We are human. Tempers flare and self control is lost at times. If I were to ever go to my mother or son with a black eye gifted to me by my significant other and they asked me if I hit him first; I would die a thousand deaths (yes, I am that dramatic).. But seriously, it is best to advise someone on how to avoid placing themselves in situations in which conflict is likely to occur then to place blame on an isolated event or person. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. People say I'm a dreamer.

Hard to Defend (Poem)

As a black woman
I know what you have to offer
The path you took to get here
What the cost was
Your biggest fear
is that they don't treat you like the others
But your melanin is not all that appears
when you walk up
You know what this is talk of
Black men, you are bold and beautiful
But so many of you are thoughtless
You say, it's the image that's portrayed of you
But I have witnessed many times
You perpetuate that point of view
Disrespecting women, committing crimes
Failure to thrive in school
The statistics tell no lies
Good black men are few
Or maybe just hard to find
You see it's easy to get confused
So easy to misconstrue
No one gets a pass to judge
But then that must extend to you
My brothers, you don't get a pass for being broken men
To behave like an outlaw
thinking "good hearts" makes you exempt
Or to assume the few good should bear the weight of your sins
To mistreat your community, yourself and your women
Then lash out in a fit of rage when they fear you in that skin
It is not really your color, it is what you represent
Because even the good guys refuse to condemn
They fail to uplift these brothers whom they call friend
So when them boys shoot you down it's hard for me to defend
Wrong is wrong and right is right
But I can't even pretend
When it comes to fight or flight
Certain factors mix in
We are our own biggest problem
Not armed uniformed men