R Kelly Syndrome

17 year old Storm met the father of her future children. She was sexually intimate with this gentleman....at the tender age of 17. There was an 8 year difference between us. That made him 25 years old. As a grown woman I am trying to understand how I could believe it when he said that I looked grown. Y’all see this picture. Nigga I wore pigtails. He said I was different. That he saw something in me. I don’t talk about the R Kelly shit. It was romance to me. In my 30’s now I’m realizing how sick that shit really is. How disgusting it really is. I legit feel like a survivor. So glad to have made it out of that relationship without a criminal charge or a suicide note. I’m still recovering. I don’t have all the answers. But please be informed that certain things are simply immoral. Don’t support it. 

Let's start at the End

"Listen up gangstas and honeys with ya hair done

Pull up a chair hon' and put it in the air son

Dog, whatever they call you, god, just listen

I spit a story backwards, it starts at the ending". 

-Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones

Hello world. It's been about a year since I've written and I do apologize for my virtual absence. I have so much to offer you by way of words and poetry. Ya'll been missing out. Know that the only thing that can stop me from writing is severe Depression. I'll get into that later. Two years ago I went through the judicial court system to stop the father of my children (remember TN?) from physically assaulting my 6 year old (at the time) Autistic son. What followed is a story that is most traumatizing and unfortunately an everyday occurrence in our society, I've come to discover. That's all I will tell you about the beginning. If you know anything about me know that I am a lover of facts and a fighter for integrity. So that is all I will present you with now. Facts and an assurance that even with my back to the wall I did not compromise on my integrity. And I never will....

The courts denied me the right to move 2 hours away with my children so custody went to the father. Here lies documentation ordering me to pay child support in the amount of $1,107.00 under the assumption that I earn $2,250.00. This is inaccurate however we can do the math on that just for fun anyway. 

 $2,250.00 Monthly Gross Income

-$1,107.00 Child Support

_______________________

 $1,143.00 (What's left after Child Support)

Okay. I live in the DMV (D.C, Maryland, Virginia) area. For fun let's make rent an even $1000

 $1,143.00 (What's left after Child Support)

-$1,000.00 (Rent in the DMV area)

___________________________

 $   143.00 (What's left after Child Support and Rent)

$143.00 left to pay for the car that's going to get me to work, food to feed the children when they're with me and then there's other bills but that's not my concern. My concern in my contribution to society and my children. $143.00 to feed them when they're with me and to maintain a vehicle to drive them around safely in. Auto Insurance and the note alone has me in the hole. 

Now I want you to imagine that my salary wasn't accurately reflected because I work for an Autism school (a career change inspired by my son but we'll talk about that later) and so the Summer schedule includes less days of work which means I actually earn less that what was assumed. Imagine me presenting that evidence and being told by all parties involved that the truth no longer mattered. Imagine going to your child's parent and explaining what you truly earn and they put you on speaker phone to make sure your children hear them tell you that you are a abandoning them. We'll talk about that later too. 

To anyone going through this stay up. Do NOT compromise on your integrity. Your children will eventually see the truth for themselves. Don't bash their other parent. The other parent doesn't matter. Focus on your love for them. Just show up however you can and be the light they need. Remember that the best way to win with toxic people is not to play at all. Always take the high road.

Some more email exchanges for fun:

On Wednesday, October 31, 2018, Stephanie Duran <sduran@pjilaw.com> wrote:

Ms. Douglass,

I hope this email finds you well. Pursuant to Judge Weimer's instructions, I have prepared a Custody, Visitation and Support order that reflects his ruling on October 15, 2018. I have not yet obtained a copy of the transcript but will promptly provide a copy to you once I have received it from Anita Glover's office. The partial transcript, which includes the findings and ruling, will be incorporated by reference in the final order. 

There is some additional language in the agreement such as travel with the children that was not specifically ordered by Judge Weimer, but I included it in the event you find it agreeable. 

If you have any questions about the order, please don't hesitate to contact me. If there's anything else you'd like to propose or anything you disagree with, please let me know as soon as possible. The portion highlighted in yellow indicates information that I am missing. If by November 9 you will have a different address, please provide that address. 

I've attached the child support guideline worksheet for your reference. 

Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com>	Oct 31, 2018, 1:01 PM
to Stephanie

That’s not my gross monthly income.

Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com>	Wed, Oct 31, 1:51 PM
to Stephanie

   

I will provide documentation from HR. The judge never took my pay stubs. Your numbers do not reflect my income. Numbers don’t lie. 

On Wednesday, October 31, 2018, Stephanie Duran <sduran@pjilaw.com> wrote:

Ms. Storm,

Thank you for your prompt feedback. I recall Judge Weimer finding your gross annual income to be $27,000, which means your gross monthly income is $2,250. We can certainly wait to sign the order until we receive the transcript verifying this information. I will notify Mr. Davidson that you do not agree with the out-of-state travel language.

Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com>	Oct 31, 2018, 1:58 PM
to Stephanie

The evidence was never looked at. It was all verbal. In my distressed state I may not have heard well to verbally correct him. I have that same evidence and will provide such.

On Wednesday, October 31, 2018, Stephanie Duran <sduran@pjilaw.com> wrote:

Storm,

The evidence you presented to the court is that you earn $12 per hour and work full time. Based on that evidence, the Judge found your gross annual income to be $27,000, which you did not dispute. $12 x 40 hours x 52 weeks = $27,040. 

Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com>	Oct 31, 2018, 3:38 PM
to Stephanie You are trying to force me to pay based off a salary I don’t have. You have an opportunity to get the correct amount and you are refusing. This is immoral and illegal as it doesn’t follow Virginia code. More importantly if that is the amount I am being forced to pay and that isn’t what I am actually making there will be no address to provide your client. As I will be homeless and have to move 5 hours away. If your plan is to alienate me from the children, congratulations. I won’t be able to provide for them or see them. I’d be as good as dead. On Wednesday, October 31, 2018, Stephanie Duran <sduran@pjilaw.com> wrote: Ms. Douglass, The opportunity to present evidence has passed, however, if you'd like to provide paystubs or an employment contract I'd be happy to review them with my client.  Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com> Nov 2, 2018, 8:17 PM to Stephanie Consider this. The children remain in your client’s custody until August of 2019. Your client works all year round. I have all federal holidays off and the first right of refusal. In the meantime I can do every other weekend, the entire month of August and all holidays that lead into the weekend (i.e Thanksgiving). If I need to move to NYC due to finances I’m asking for the entire Summer, Winter and Spring break so that I can have some time with them even though I’m 5 hours away. Talk to your client.  On Mon, Nov 5, 2018 at 11:55 AM Stephanie Duran <sduran@pjilaw.com> wrote: Ms. Douglass, Thank you for providing your new address. I have not yet spoken with my client about your offer to modify terms on Friday, although he is aware of your proposal. Can I assume at this point that you have no intention of exercising your visitation every other weekend? Storm Douglass <lovepaija@gmail.com> Nov 8, 2018, 3:39 PM to Stephanie Please CC your client on that email so he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know what you’re doing like he has before. It should be documented that he approves your actions. As usual my integrity won’t waiver. Someone has to set an example for the children. Also have him understand that he will NEVER force me into a romantic relationship with him. I don’t see anything in the order about Paija continuing his services. The judge ordered that. Your client has already had Paija discharged from ABA services which he has been on a waiting list for, for over a year. Tell my children I love them. May God’s will reign.

Papa (Poem)

From the moment I was told of your existence, I knew 
But I was so wrapped up in grief I didn't know what to do 
I had just lost my best friend 
Fatal accident 
And your father well when I went to him 
He was also confused 
Said it was up to me to choose
But that thing about you, I knew 
so I chose to continue 
As time went on I became more sure
Because you would talk to me and I would talk back to you      
And this bond here had formed
I was giving birth to a baby Storm
This was even before I knew you were a boy      
But I was terrified I couldn't do this on my own
At night I still cried because my friend left me all alone     
For awhile there I conspired to find you another home
There was just no way in hell I could raise a little Storm    
And then you were born 
And instinctively I knew everything you would want
You were so in sync with me we settled into a calm      
You took my anxiety and turned it into armor                       See that thing about you, I knew 
it made the picture larger    
It made my eyes see farther
It just made me go harder          
But that's me  
The Autism diagnosis broke your father
But that thing about you I been knew so
Over here Papi there was never any heartache 
I never want you to feel like you are a mistake 
Because if your father never pulled away

I probably would have banked on him being there

I would never be this great
Sometimes it's just fate

You saved my life Paija Damir

You needing me to come up out of that shell of person that I was     And protect you in the name of love 

Bum rushed the air back into my lungs

I put that grief aside and picked up guns       

I became your protector

I'll shoot it out with anyone

Papa you are perfect 

You are deserving         

This thing about you I been knew and still found you worthy

It's okay to think different 

I too don't make friends quickly 

Your father will come around he's bound to see the things I witness

How you're brave and you're smart and you're presence is tremendous 

How you are everything we are only better and bigger

How you are magical...bought the dead back to living

And I admit this
When he rejected you I was filled with resentment 

You've even managed to inspire forgiveness 

You tell me to forgive him

And I been hard headed my entire life but since it comes from your lips I put down the guns and listen      

I forgive him

You are more than Autistic

You are bigger than a label 

You're the piece that's missing       

You're the reason I'm able

I love you so much      

Every day I am grateful 

That it is I that kept you alive until you came through

I would never ever ever change you

                          

Beach Day (Memories)

Today's the day. February 02, 2008 changed my life. Killed me. Left me numb. Left me hungry for the type of healing that was more destructive than beneficial. And I won't go into details. Anybody who has experienced grief knows....This post isn't about that. It's about what I have to focus on to offset destructive patterns. The good times. Great memories. A testament to the awesome friendship that Tan and I thrived on. So let's see. Let's take this back to our teenage years. Last year of high school or freshman year of college. I'm thinking somewhere in between. Yes. It had to be. I still remember the sun burning gloriously in a sky so blue it rivaled the ocean. Forgive me for the way my mind works. The littlest things leave lasting impressions. For instance, when I first got the news about my best friend passing, I was near a cup of water or something that left a ring of condensation on a wooden dresser. I remember picking it up and staring at the ring of droplets of water moments before the call. I remember thinking why didn't anyone put napkin underneath the glass or whatever the hell it was. I wanted so badly to reach out and wipe it all away however my limbs could not find the motivation to carry out the commands my brain was sending. I just stared at those droplets. It wasn't even for that long. It wasn't until months after the funeral that I saw a ring of condensation and emotionally traveled back in time to the moment or the moment before rather my entire life changed. I digress. I don't usually do posts on this specific day so I'm a little distracted. *deep breath* Back to the good memories. So anyway, nice warm day. Tan invited me out to the beach. Beach? We don't beach but okay. Later when I'm on my way to her house she admits that a couple of her other friends are coming along and that we'll even be travelling in their vehicle. Pause. Huge pause. She waits for me to tell her I'm turning around which is exactly what my public transportation taking ass was doing. Tanya and I were such opposites, I'm not sure how we got along so well. *smile* She was thee MOST gregarious person I knew. To this date even. She had many friends. She forgave a million times over and loved to bring people together. Me...not so much. She was basically my only friend, back then I didn't forgive shit and I always kept the few people I held close in separate compartments in my life. Basically opposites. *smile* She ended up begging me to go so of course I obliged. You should of seen us. In the car squished together (no air conditioner) while the song of the summer Soulja Boy's "Crank That" was blasting on the radio. Tan would look at me with a pleading eyes. A "play nice" expression usually reserved for children. And I would give a look back at her. Ya'll have to understand. Her friends had that song on repeat. Seriously?? *smile* I was dying, man. I played nice though. At one point I had to ask "What does that even mean?".  Her friends actually broke down the meaning for me. Quite disgusting by the way. When we finally made it to the beach, we settled down on the sand and enjoyed some wine coolers. Liquid courage for introverts. I relaxed a little. We laughed...danced...etc. The most important moment of that trip is when Tan and I went out into the water. And I got that funny dew drop feeling again. The slightest details drawing me in; evoking a relaxed state. Water droplets on our brown skin (Okay, I'm yellow). The way our laughter bounced off of the waves. The wine cooler leaving my system. Sobriety returning slowing. I remember wondering if that was how baptismal was supposed to feel. That sun....that sun....blazing. I can feel the heat of it right now. Felt like the waves were going through me. Felt free. I remember how she looked at me. That "I knew you would have a good time" look. I admitted it and she smiled even brighter. I remember the smile. She said "See, that wasn't so bad.". Like I can hear her saying that right now . . . At the time I thought we would have a million more days like that. So it wasn't on the radar for best days ever. Now that I know better. That day was one of the best days of my life. Thanks Tan. I still don't know how to crank that Soulja boy though. 

What's good? (Dating Adventures)

This was brief yet humorous so I'll keep it light. This one doesn't even get a name. He asked for my number. He wanted to speak to me. The first time he called me, I missed it however I returned it in a timely manner. When he picked up the line, I greeted him like I would anyone on almost any day. Our guy did not like that so much. *sigh* It went a little something like this. 

Me: What's good?

Him: What's good?

Me: *looks at phone* Hello? Yeah? Yeah, what's good?

Him: You mean how are you?

Me: No..no. I'm pretty sure I mean What's good?

*silence*

Me: Are you okay?

Him: Yes. Why?

Me: *sigh* This intro is all wrong. Something wrong with how I started.

Him: I just don't think that's appropriate.

Me: Huh?

Him: When you first meet someone you don't greet them that way. We're both college educated. We should be speaking as such.

Me: Hmpf. Let me call you back. (translation: Let me not call you back)

The very next day the man sends a text message to me with the forbidden greeting "What's good?". Okay so pause...perhaps it's an olive branch. A little jokey joke, Something to break the ice. Either way, I wasn't feeling it. So I kindly let him know that our prior conversation was never to occur again. I told him that a plethora of slang terminology would tumble out of these lips of mine on the daily. That he is he never to instruct me on what type of vernacular to use. He told me to grow the fuck up. I told him I'd call him back when I did. 

Weeks later. 

I still haven't grown up yet, ya'll. 

Sugar Daddy (Dating Adventures)

So, I say I want a Sugar Daddy. Like I know in my heart I think I deserve one however . . . Sugar Daddies be having me fucked up. My apologies. There was no other vernacular at my disposal to express that sentiment. I met a couple so far. They love me. Who doesn't?  I thought I wanted something more serious so I have been avoiding them. Ever since the Little Red Corvette episode, I figured keeping things a little light couldn't hurt. Let's meet our latest and greatest gentleman.  Hmm, what shall we address him by? Let's go with Mr. CEO. Mr. C messaged me. He loved my hair among many other things. There was quite a bit of an age difference but I'm not one to judge. He had a daughter my age but I wasn't interested in his daughter so . . . yeah. His approach was smooth. The conversation flowed easily as he sent pictures of his home and of him posing with a plethora of celebrities. In my experience older men aren't that technology savvy so I was impressed by his ability to keep up with the messages and sarcasm without skipping a beat. Go ahead old man. He began to talk about the ways in which he could change my life. All the things he could do for me. Would do for me. I skillfully avoided those topics. He was already at strike one nonetheless I was allowing him to continue our banter ignorant of his offense. Don't ever tell me what you can do for me. Do for me. Ask for my account number, drop $1,000.00 in there and then tell me what you just did for me. Not to mention his need to be discreet was also mentioned. Due to his lucrative business (no I don't care to share) and all. I played it cool though. It's not my job to raise anyone that's significantly older than me. I just stop them at strike 3 and keep it moving. Our conversation evolved. Adult talk. Anyone that can weave a conversation out of topics such as black America, photography, polyarmory and sex without even a hint of offensive and or dismissive rhetoric has the ability to capture my attention. At least for a couple of minutes. He was obviously educated. Obviously street. And he wasn't needy. My type in a nut shell. He didn't back off when I used the word friend. And I used that word quite often. It's my safe word. My "I need you to stay where I put you" word. Mr. Red Corvette's sad eyes were still on my mind. My guard was up. I'm driving in the slow lane . . . friend. So he learned how to stop using the "wife" word. All good. We progressed to talks of meeting up. He wanted a simple date. Cool. I wanted a simple video call. I don't meet with anyone without a video call. It's my thing. I just have to see you live. Calls and messages just won't do. My request unnerved him. He stuttered and asked if I wanted to see . . . him? No, I want to see your mother. I mean seriously. His voice fell flat as he responded with stentorian "No". He said that our first sighting would have to be face to face on a date. That was his way of doing things. *sigh* So I had to ask. Overweight or unattractive? Or both? Either way, his hesitation obviously meant that he had been deceptive with his photos and since we were now on strike 2, my irritation was now outgrowing my interest. He was too damn old for 2 strikes. My blunt question seemed to startle him. He sounded panicky. I'm not sure. He caught himself, cleared his throat then asked me to compromise. Give his way a chance. He said that he would not be the affluent business man he was today without compromising. That I would have to learn how to compromise to give a better life to my children. *eye roll* So here's how this is going to go. My exact words to him. And anytime I find myself addressing a member of the opposite sex in this fashion, know for sure he will never make it to a place where our passions will run wild. "I'm going to video call you, you will pick up and we will talk." He didn't pick up when I called. Seriously, if you're not in a position to defy me, you don't defy me. I blocked him. Some how he found a way to reach me. Apparently I'm terrible at this blocking thing....lol. They find me on other sites and shit. Who can keep up? Whatever. Blocking is more of a message to me anyway. A message that says leave me the hell alone. Some people just don't get it. Anyway he found a way to reach me to let me know how fake my dreads and I were. Oh and that I was the scum of the earth. To which I replied "It's a good thing you don't ever have to hear from this piece of scum ever again" and then blocked his ass again. I can't stand sore losers. Lawwd, why can't I get this right? *smile*

Little Red Corvette (Dating Adventures)

On to the next. I meet a new guy. A little farther away. A little older in age. Gorgeous smile. Might be worth the travel were my first thoughts when we introduced ourselves to each other. He was straightforward. And damn I love straightforward. My mind works a little differently so I love a guy that isn't afraid to spell things out. We're going to call him Mr. Red Corvette as in that top single that Prince released in 1983. As in this guy had me singing "Baby you're much too fast" *throws up peace sign horizontally in front of eyes*. Mr. Corvette worked with special needs children (this hits close to home) and had just returned home to be close to his parents who by the way were married for 35 years. My goodness. He was endearing. Very smooth. He had too good to be true written all over him, I suppose. We spoke for hours on the phone. Great chemistry. I was definitely open to a first date when he asked. We began making plans which as a mother of three is a bit challenging. He was very understanding of this which reassured me that he was worth the effort. We had a date set up and all we could do was talk about how much better our chemistry would be once we were sitting across from one another. Or next to each other. His joke...not mine....lol. Cute shit like that. Unfortunately something came up the weekend we had plans. Mom duty. My son needed me and that's all I need to say about that. He needs me, I'm there. Mr. Corvette took the news better than I imagined he would. Later in the day he offered to drive over an hour just to hold a conversation outside my home since he knew that I was home with my son. This was charming however it surprised me. It just seemed like a lot of energy to put into someone you've just met. I felt weird about it and expressed this to him. We could just reschedule. His urgency made me apprehensive. He stayed true to his gentlemanly ways but then dove into a monologue worthy of an Academy award. Something about how moved he was by the little he did know about me. How there was just something about me (they all say that) and he knew that I would make a great wife one day. And that he and I could be something incredible. When his speech was met with stunned silence he mistook that to mean continue. He continued to explain that he would love to get to know me better so that we could eventually  move in together in a house he would purchase just for us and he was more than happy to be a step-father to my children. Again....stunned silence. Don't get me wrong. What he was saying sounded nice yet my brain was not interpreting it that way. My mind was on high alert. My entire body tensed up and I felt a little sick. Marriage? Move in? We haven't even gone on a first date yet. We haven't even tasted a teaspoon of each other's crazy yet. So I broached the topic cautiously; trying to find the most gentle way possible to derail this runaway love train he imagined us jumping on. Finally, I decided he's a straightforward guy, surely he can handle the same. So I just stopped him mid sentence and said "no". "No?" he echoed back. Now it was time for my speech. This was way too fast. I take relationships day by day. I don't ever intend to live with another man nor do I ever intend to subscribe to the religious, social and most frighteningly legal institution of American marriage. He was at a lost for words. Then he found some that only made the situation worse. "What about children? I want to have a child one day." Sheesh. How could we speak for hours and never touch on deal breakers? Well here we go. If it isn't through adoption, you would never father a child with me. It's just not going to happen. We spoke for long time afterwards. Our final conversation. The same chemistry and laughter lingered as we decided that it was best to keep moving in different directions. He wished me well. I wished him better. I actually felt relieved hanging up the phone that day. Mr. Corvette made me re-evaluate what it is I am truly looking for. What I've always been looking for. It's just difficult to articulate without it being misinterpreted. Without someone else trying to package my desires and fold it into a neat box. I want to meet an honorable, loyal and protective member of the opposite sex with a high libido and a love for learning his woman if nothing else. One who is willing to take our relationship day by day. Can we just vibe and see where things go? Be happy for 2 days of happiness or 2,000. Whatever God grants us. I don't know. Anyway the search continues.....