My First Pregnancy Journey

Fresh out of college so close to the loss of my greatest ally left me in a flummoxed state. Already an introvert, I drew further into myself. One of the biggest lessons learned from woman in my family is that you always put one foot in front of the other. Keep it moving son. And so I did. I spent a lot of time writing, working, and hanging out with a co-worker/my first romantic love. Grief, alcohol and idle time is the perfect combination for the conception of a child so before you know it I was with child and more confounded than ever before. Things were sloppy. The father and I were broken up yet again. I was already planning on moving out of state (memories of Tan were chasing me all over NY). Abortion just wasn't my thing (pro-choice ...just a bit too messy for me). Adoption definitely is though; so I made a deal with myself that if motherhood didn't light a fire in me than I would give "it" away to someone who it did light a fire in. The morning sickness was terrible. People at work began telling me not to destroy my life just yet. Gee, thanks. A co-worker pulled me aside to offer up whatever help I needed only to take the offer back when his mistress on the job had a fit of jealousy. She was the father of my child's ex-girlfriend and went on to lead a campaign against me receiving "special" treatment. Something along the lines of me being able to lift 50+ pounds like the rest of them. The things that can happen when you're surrounded by ignorant people. I had to lawyer up so that my job could back down. So here I was minding my business and working overtime in an effort to be able to provide for my unborn. My paternal Aunt decided it was her turn to give me a hard time. Telling my sister that she wouldn't show up to my baby shower because I was not wedded. Yes, they still exist. The unkind words that followed surprised my sister. And when it got back to me *sigh*. I actually thanked God I wasn't there to witness because I am sure if it were me that she revealed those  archaic sentiments to, the devil himself would not have been able to contain my rage. This woman once showed me off as her child., showered me in compliments, expressed nothing but love, etc. As a mother of several children herself, I felt betrayed by her reaction. It was cool though. One foot in front of the other Storm. Let's keep it moving. The final straw was the father of my child not showing up to the baby shower. More so his lack of interest in the entire endeavor. I was too through with this pregnancy!

I must say thank God that it wasn't all terrible. My mother and sister were my lifeline. My maternal family in general kept me strong...showed me much love. And with all of the turmoil going on it felt like my unborn son and I were against the world. I felt like someone was loving me from the inside out *smile*. I would talk to my belly and I don't know.....could feel his response in a loving exchange of energy. It was weird. It was beautiful. He would dance like crazy to Jay Z and Celine Dion. I knew right then he'd be as eccentric as his mother and couldn't wait to meet him. As I was surrounded by my family/friends at my baby shower I felt so blessed all of the other nonsense was irrelevant. I'm ready for this, B! The clinical department at my job threw me a surprise baby shower which shocked me because of the treatment received from the very co-workers I practically grew up with was less than substantial. To this day, when thoughts of them fill my mind I am overwhelmed with gratitude. My mentor V, he was everything. His tough words of wisdom and sarcastic humor are carried with me to this day. No, it wasn't all unpleasant. God sent his angels...

Delivery was a little traumatic. My mother and boyfriend were standing by to greet little man and my son wouldn't budge (love, love, love that epidural).  Shivers began to rock my body like an earthquake. My doctor pushed for a C-section and I fought against his orders like I had had medical school instruction. No, no, no I can push!! Um, no I couldn't and my son was in distress so they rushed me into surgery. When I first laid eyes on him, I was just glad to have bought him to safety. My doctor would later express his happiness that we both survived. It took awhile for that fire to be lit but when it did, it became an inferno. Yes, God sent his angels.

Pregnancy is a time in a woman's life where she needs the most support. The most love. The most resources that you can have available to her. It is one of the closest human acts that we can consider a miracle. Whatsoever should become of that process has nothing to do with the emotions that she experiences and her perception of the circle of people she has surrounded herself with. I say all of this to say that due to the fact we've all come to be through pregnancy, our society (each & every one of us) should show a little compassion to woman with child. The media's constant display of images of pregnant woman dancing, working, and carrying on with their daily business desensitize us to the actual struggles that come with carrying a life. My experiences have made me a better woman so I can look back on it all and smile. I am now a source of strength for others. For my children especially. To quote one of my favorite poets (Maya Angelou) "People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, or even what you do, but they always remember how you made them feel." Shout out to all of those who made me feel great. You know who you are.

Item Last Purchased

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

Easter eggs hot off of the clearance rack. Holidays don't tie me to the calendar. LP will be discovering M&M filled eggs for the rest of the month. It grows old at times (that darn short attention span most 4 year olds possess) so I do little things to keep it interesting. I write letters on them that spell a word when arranged horizontally. Tomorrow I'll draw shapes....funny faces...etc. I cannot resist holiday sales so I have to be creative.

2 Years Ago

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.





My birthday...2 years ago. Traveling to several wineries in Long Island, NY. The limo was well stocked and the company (even the driver) was amazing. We talk about how much fun we had to this day. Here I was taking a nap (it was a couple hours long) in the back of the limo. Definitely need a repeat. Oh and I loved that wig! Good times.

Favorite Photograph of her....

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Not sure if you can see it well but this is one of my favorite pictures of ol' girl. This hoody was a early birthday gift and I just might wear it everyday. This was the very picture she had sitting on her dresser in her room. It was in a beautiful "best friend" frame that I teased her about the first time I saw it. "Girl, you're so corny" I joked "Mad cheesy and shit". *smile* We laughed so much that day. It was the first thing I saw when I finally found the nerve to go in her room after she passed. I kept it until the frame broke and then I put the picture on my fridge. It's just the comfort of knowing she was here. She was really here and we had so much fun together. Look at that smile. I mean, it's the little things, you know? Yeah, I know you know.

Belgian Waffles

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Yesterday I almost killed myself. As a working mother I yearn to give my children as much of me as possible when time allows. As a mother who works a night shift, that desire becomes that much greater. I also have my own identity and goals. I mean, what good is a Queen who only wears one crown? Yesterday was one of those days that involved too many wardrobe changes. Responsible mom to fun mom to nature lover to concerned Aunt to punctual employee ending with gym rat on my lunch break. I had this bright idea to do a yoga move that used to be one of my favorites (pre-pregnancy that is). I returned to work so proud that I almost turned my shoulder stand into a plow pose.


Shoulder Stand

Plow Pose

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Whoop whoop! 5 minutes later I was nauseous. Then a headache blew in. And before I knew it I felt like I was dying a slow death. Ugggh, my body rebelled so outlandishly I wanted to curl up into a ball and beg for sleep to overcome me. But I'm a "G"! So I toughed it out and went crawling to my bed the next morning. Barely able to stand, I ordered my favorite pick me up from IHOP. Those Belgian waffles are to die for. Their vegetable omelet is alright (drowned in BBQ sauce and hot sauce). But that Belgian waffle....good Lord. Love it! It succeeded in being the pick me up that I needed. Thanks IHOP!

A Day in the Life

Day 1: A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.......

Today was cool. Ordinary. Plans to go to a Civil War encampment were quickly thwarted when I realized how exhausted I was. LP pulled the blinds up in hopes that the sunlight would wake me up after calling out "Mommy" several times. When that failed he cried out that he was hungry which he knows is enough to wake me up from the dead. Alright, I'm up! Kingston decides that he wants to sleep in the most awkward spot underneath (sort of) the bed, so I almost stepped on him. Holy crap, King.....way to really wake me up.  LP and I did our morning ritual (brush teeth, bathe, etc.) then had breakfast together. I tried to do laundry as best as one could with a 4 year old chasing them around with a crushed banana in his hands. It was all squishy....ewww. Well once he ate the banana he was defenseless and the chaser became the chase-ee (not a word but you know what I mean). We had a tickle fight that lasted 30 minutes before I realized that there was only one 4 year old in the apartment. All that running was wearing me out! So I sipped on coffee while I made LP his favorite dish of tilapia and roasted potatoes (he never eats the broccoli) followed by some ice cream. None for me though (gave it up for Lent). Took some time to twist my hair up. The girl's diapers were finally washed and stuffed so I napped for an hour. LP decided to give me a break and painted on his easel while I slept. When I woke up he reminded me to water the tomato and lettuce plants that we're trying to grow out on our balcony garden. It was so sunny on the balcony, I told little man to meet me outside. However not before a video call with my brand new niece (almost 3 weeks and just the cutest). So anyway LP and I had a ball (a soccer ball to be exact) at the park. We walked to Walgreens to buy Lighting McQueen bubbles for him and then to Tropical Smoothie (love, love, love them) for a Mango Magic for me. Or is it Mango Madness? Oh who cares that smoothie is exquisite! Of course I started running late. Time flies when I'm with my boo. I dropped him off at daycare (had to drag him out of the car). Squeezed in a few moments to fuss (aka drown them in kisses) over my girls before rushing out of the door. Hit 90 mph on the interstate and was still 15 minutes late (darn!). Now, I'm sitting here at work hurting like crazy after working out on my lunch break. Working on this here blog and talking to an old friend on facebook to take my mind off of the overall body ache...lol.

Highlight of my day: After our tickle fight, LP said I love you...unprompted. Yeah boy! Who's the greatest Mommy to the greatest boy alive?? That will be me. Whoop whoop. Don't hate! Lol. *performing celebratory dance*

And that's it. A day in the life. Yeah, yeah I'm boring. So what!

Blog Challenge

Let's lighten the mood a bit. Here’s a 30 day list for a blog:

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.

Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?

Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.

Day 13 – Your favorite author and why?

Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.

Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.

Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.

Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.

Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.

Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.

Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.

Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.

Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently. i.e A letter to someone who broke my heart.

Day 23 – 15 facts about you.

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.

Day 25 – What’s in your purse?

Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.

Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

Day 28 – Your favorite movie.

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.

Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.

Let it be known that I will not be doing this in 30 days....lol. Whenever time permits, I'll do a couple until I'm done. Toodles....