My Tongue is a Weapon (poem)

I don't mean to walk around armed
But I've run into so many people who have caused me harm
And I suppose it's partially charm
The way I fly into these beings, the allure is so strong
I shrivel up for them like raisin in the sun
I make myself appear smaller so that they think that they've won
But some people want more
They are out for your blood
And only when it goes that far
do I pull it out slow and long
My tongue
make words beat like a drum
Make them feel my fire
All the hurt, all the wrong
It unleashes my fury
My tongue
Be a blade
Meticulous; unworried
The way it behaves
My tongue
delivers hurt in a variety of ways
If pushed that far
it carves and it craves
retribution upon the soul of the source of the pain
And there is no apologizing for the things that I say
I meant every single word
Every verb
Every phrase
Satisfaction only felt
when destruction is made
I have been known to hurt myself
to see to it they pay
My tongue is not one to play
Toying with my emotions is a perilous game

Compromise

Guy: Can anyone live with Eartha Kit?

She: It’s not for me to decide. That’s for someone who decides to live with me to decide. Not for me.

Guy: But are you willing to compromise? Within a relationship

Compromise? What is compromising? Compromise for what? Compromising for what reason? To compromise? For what? To compromise? What is compromise?

Guy: If a man came into your life, wouldn't you want to compromise?

She: *raises eyebrows* *laughs* Stupid. *laughs again* A man comes into my life and I have to compromise? You must think about that one again. *throws her head back and laughs even more*A man comes into my life and you have to compromise? For what? For what? For what? A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned! Not to compromise for. And I love relationships, I think they’re fantastically wonderful, I think they’re great, I think there’s nothing in the world more beautiful than falling in love. But falling in love for the right reason, falling in love for the right purpose. Falling in love. Falling in love! When you fall in love, what is there to compromise about? 

Guy: Isn't love a union between two people? Or does Eartha, fall in love with herself?

She: I think if you want to think about it in terms of analyzing; yes. I fall in love with myself and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me with me. 


My thoughts: I watch this interview about once a week...lol. I love her style and those words couldn't ring truer for me. I don't want to compromise. The love I have is enough to keep my soul-mate and I very happy. Whoever that is at the moment. His desires should be nothing for me to fulfill and vice versa. But you are reading the words of a girl who's soul is still stuck in another century so never mind me. *smile* 

Claim It

          The art of claiming something was lost to me for the longest. It was a term I would hear a lot about in church and from other people of various faith. To claim something meant to state ownership over a blessing that you were most certain that God and or the universe would send your way. It is more than cockiness or "swag". It's a way of putting so much energy into faith that you just know that whatever you are praying for will be delivered to you. I believed in God. I prayed and honored my ancestors. I found the good in every situation I was in however I never laid claim to anything. Day in and day out, I simply ate whatever was dished out on my plate. Systemic poverty, fleeting moments of joy, a lack of quality black men, etc. The community I was surrounded by aided me in confusing a drive for more with ingratitude. As a fatherless daughter to a Haitian immigrant mother my status in life was better off than many other people I knew and therefore I was blessed and needn't more than what life had already handed to me. My path in life could have been greatly enriched had I only made attempts to explore and desire more. You see, I was comfortable. Too comfortable. So comfortable that whenever my heart found the strength to show interest in something that would take me out of that comfort zone, my mind would find a million and one reasons why that interest was of little importance. Why comfort over growth served me more. And once again I had more than enough loved ones to assist me with this false notion. The heart, however, is a mysterious force of nature and most stubborn when denied the very things it beats for. With the birth of my son my heart grew stronger each day. Motherhood can be such an empowering journey. I mean, I became a beast. There was a quality of life that I was willing to deny myself yet when it came to my son the idea seemed ludicrous. Absolutely farcical. That little guy encouraged me more in 6 months than I have been encouraged in my entire life. Slowly these "interests" turned into productive conversations with the right people; which then led to research projects. This is where the art of claiming kicked in. Research can be overwhelming yet I can never walk into anything blindly. So I would see what I want, look at the price tag and then walk away; dejected. This was a tough habit to break. So I looked into people that inspired me. I read their stories (to this day biographies and autobiographies are my favorite genre) and studied their persona. I was always made aware of my weirdness. But I was a mother now and so my heart was so free my love was unapologetic. I read about and studied people who lit a fire in me. Harriet Tubman. Maya Angelou. Toni Morrison. Malcolm X. Frederick Douglass. Martin L. King. Jean Leopold Dominique. My mom. Kanye and his mother (the old Kanye, I swear). Tupac.  Toussaint L'ouverture. Justin Timberlake. Sister Soulja. Etc. And the one thing about my heroes that spoke to me was the ability to "claim it". To be able to approach a dream like a lion does a prey. To say that there is mine and I WILL have it. I am an obedient servant. God wouldn't place this feeling in my heart if I wasn't meant to have it. And so it is mine even though I am not in possession of it yet. And that my friend is all that I was missing to make the necessary changes that would create dramatic improvements in the lives of myself and my children. Martin L. King said it best with this quote. 

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase"

My analytical mind was working against me because I would not make a move without vision of the entire staircase. Faith and blessings are not pretty little equations that you can always make sense of. And so with my faith renewed, I spoke my blessings into existence. It's a wonder how I could feel like I was born to write yet find the power in words so late in life. There is so much power in the spoken word. I said I don't know how I'm going to do it however my son will have access to a better school system than this. He's going to have his own room. We will live in an area with less crime. Looks like we're going to be on our own so he will have a sibling (spoke that too much into existence...lol). And it didn't stop there. Even when people said that it was enough. My life was wonderful. I said I will have a job with a higher salary. Another room for my girls. A man with higher standards. Acceptance of my natural beauty. I will reject any consumption of flesh. And still I don't know much about "hows" however I claim these blessings because I believe in the law of attraction. How just saying the words will pour the energy behind my requests into the universe. So I will encourage you as well. Whatever your dreams are. Verbalize those vibrations. Let the universe hear you. Claim it! 

Roller Coaster Love Bandits

We are roller coaster love bandits
Ravenous for the next high...utterly famished
One minute falling deep into love
The next minute we're searching for a landing
I've had quite enough
Enough to know that we can't manage
That falling in and out of love
Should be a sign not a habit
And I apologize for the common sense that I was lacking
For all of the times that I left and then decided to come back in
All the promises we made to forget all that happened
Said this was our thing
Mistook your fury for passion
So desperate that for them straws baby I was grasping
You lit a fire in me
Past tense . . . now it's ashes
I hear your accusations
I'm a bastard
Sarcastic
But you don't see
That my retreat
Is a defense from hazards
Your words are flame tipped daggers
Aimed at my heart in un-intimidated passion
There is no Jasmine
Not even Aladdin
No magic carpet exists to fly me from this madness
Experience has taught me to temper my reaction
A display of restraint used to cover up the sadness
With a wound this deep, it's barely a bandage
Am I insensitive
Or are you misunderstanding?
I feel the anguish you feel. I just can't stand it
I say it's over to heal
Not to damage

1 Corinithians 15:33

          Life is a beautiful journey. For some there are many bends in the road and off beaten paths to take. I have also learned that this life is also a short one. And for those whom are in search of some omnipotent justification of it all, it's an unfair one. This, my friend, leaves little time and or tolerance for unnecessary reiteration provoked by people who have no intention other than to seek the dark beast that lies within you. They stroke it's belly and beg it come hither when it's purpose is aimed to serve neither them nor you. We hear it often. "Some people are just miserable." This, I can accept seeing as how it is the way of the world for people to have unequally yoked personalities. We can't all be the same. The problem I have been irritated enough to write about today is rooted in the concept of willful ignorance. Where someone chooses to pursue negative behavior despite their knowledge of the implications of that behavior. My issue lies with this trend of extending forgiveness (for lack of a better word) to someone who has wronged you under the impression that this person lacked the comprehension needed to have made a wiser decision. "They didn't know any better." And when I say forgiveness, I mean the act of allowing this particular person the privilege of remaining a part of your life. Forgive me if I come off bitter, however the amount of asshole encounters I have experienced lately has been utterly exhausting. We are all human beings therefore it is obvious when certain lines are crossed. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a slap to the face of someone might cause that person pain. Or that to mention your participation in an adulterous situation may incite a hostile reaction. I am discovering more and more that people are assholes because of this erroneous idea that you must forgive someone despite the amount or severity of their trespasses against you. And the need to engage in this dialogue with adults about behavior that even a child can decipher to be disrespectful leaves a horrid taste in my mouth. It is never your job to raise an adult. People learn how to have sex and how to make money with little direction yet need major assistance with how to treat others with respect. I just cannot make sense of the idea. And so I won't. In sticky situations, my focus is always on the intention of a person. Their heart. Intention speaks of the soul of someone. When someone does something with the intention of hurting you there is no room in your life for them. When someone hurts you in the process of fulfilling their own selfish need, there is no room in your life for them. Not at that time at least. Hurt people, hurt people. I get that. Separation is needed for that person to re-evaluate the cost of your absence against their actions. Consequences are an essential part of life. You are doing a major disservice to someone if you continue a relationship with them despite their best efforts to bring negative energy into your life. It's nature. For every action, there is a re-action. Go out there and react people. It amazes me how many times I have had to wondered how a person could have come so far in life with the belief that certain behaviors are acceptable. "I mean really, am I the first person to stop speaking to you due to your mendacious tendencies???" *scratches head* I understand the easy route of just "moving on" however this type of acceptance is detrimental to everyone in the future. Do us all a favor and cut the negative people out of your life. 

Examples: 
Goodbye unfaithful boyfriend.
Goodbye disrespectful employer.
Goodbye untrustworthy best-friend.

One incident is enough make an ultimate decision to end a relationship. This includes family. Let us be reminded of 1 Corinithians 15:33. Bad company corrupts good character. And let no one tell you what is trivial to your emotions. You are allowed to feel however it is that you feel. It is your actions that you must manage.

Bet you their next relationship will result in a swift personality change. 

The Montessori Bedroom

          I am not so much into interior decoration as I am into a stimulating environment. I believe that every piece in my home should inspire myself and the children on a daily basis. My pockets have yet to catch up with my ideals however the beautiful thing about inspiration is that it can be done on a small or grand scale. Televisions aren't allowed in the bedroom. I love a centered bed. No flowers (functional plants are another story). Meditation corner(s). Art work. Photography. Air hockey tables rock. This can all be done up with an extreme or modest budget. Today I shall focus on my vision board (yes, I do vision boards) for the trio's bedrooms. The Montessori bedroom comes closest to the idea I aspire to when it comes to their rooms. For now, at least. *smile* So let's explore this concept. 

          The Montessori method is rooted in the idea that a child needs an environment that is developmentally prepared to spark the their sense learning as well as the freedom (limited) to engage with that environment on their on terms. Or at least that is how I interpret this theory. There is much material (not to mention millions of schools) on this subject so I won't tire you with details. Let's get into the room.

Fostering Independence:

          Think of your child's perspective. Think of shelves that they can reach so that they may learn to clean up after themselves a little easier. I plan on purchasing a child's coat rack simply because the trio love to throw their jackets on the floor after they come in from a long day of playing. In the future I will get them their own cubbies because the morning routine of boots and coats is something that I believe they should be doing on their own at this point in time. We'll see. They will be graduating from toy trunks the cube shelves as I have now learned that toys are easier to find that way. The toy trunks are a bit over stimulating for my son. He is the kind of child who knows exactly what toy he wants and where he wants it. And no, I do not know where he gets this from. *big smile* They already have a step stool and an easy to reach bookcase. A child size table with chairs.

The Bed:

          The bed goes on the floor. That's right. Preferably in the corner. At this point your child's room should be child proof, right? When your child awakes, they should be able to rise and explore at their own accord (think limited freedom). This also works with them learning how to put themselves to sleep. A crib or a play pen is much too restrictive. Besides whenever I view pictures of where children sleep on a global scale, it's almost always on the floor. I believe they're on to something.      

Decor:

          Simplicity is key here. So as not to overstimulate which I believe I am already guilty of. In the future I will add a kid's mirror. I love the idea of them getting to know their reflection and how their bodies move. I hate bare walls. I'm thinking two African American paintings per room. I definitely owe my son a picture of Bob Marley (a tribute to his Jamaican roots and dreadlocks). Brand new wall stickers. A mural and a nice neutral color would be nice however I must be realistic. Apartment living has it's limits. Giant teddy bears for the girls because I just like when something is resting on your bed after your adventure of a day.

          So far that is all. Just the tip of the iceberg I'm sure. Here are a couple of inspiring photos I was able to find on pintrest (God, I love pintrest).

My Children's Book Wish List

If it's scratched out, that means my babies already have it in their collection. 

Nothing but Trouble: The Story of Althea Gibson
by Sue Stauffachere and illustrated by Greg Couch

Aunt Clara Brown: Official Pioneer by Linda Lowery and illustrated by Janice Lee Porter
Clara

Celia Cruz, Queen of Salsa by Veronica Chambers and illustrated by Julie Maren

Coretta Scott
by Ntozake Shange and illustrated by Kadir Nelson

Harlem's Little Blackbird by Renee Watson and illustrated by Christian Robinson
Zora and Langston

Ida B. Wells: Let the Truth Be Told by Walter Dean Myers and illustrated by Bonnie Christensen
Josephine: The Dazzling Life of Josephine Baker  by Patricia Hruby Powell and illustrated by Christian Robinson

When Marian Sang: The True Recital of Marian Anderson by Pam Munoz Ryan and illustrated by Brian Selznick

Mary McLeod Bethune
by Eloise Greenfield and illustrated by Jerry Pinkney

Moses: When Harriet Tubman Led Her People to Freedom by Carole Boston Weatherford and illustrated by Kadir Nelson

Mumbet's Declaration of Independence  by Gretchen Woelfle and illustrated by Alix Delinois

Rosa by by Nikki Giovanni and illustrated by Bryan Collier 

Ruby Bridges Goes to School: My True Story by Ruby Bridges

Skit-Scat Raggedy Cat: Ella Fitzgerald by Roxane Orgill and illustrated by Sean Qualls

Sojourner Truth's Step-Stomp Stride
by Andrea Davis Pinkney and illustrated by Brian Pinkney

Talkin' About Bessie: The Story of Aviator Elizabeth Coleman by Nikki Grimes and illustrated by Earl B. Lewis

Wangari's Trees of Peace: A True Story from Africa
by Jeanette Winter

Wilma Unlimited: How Wilma Rudolph Became the World's Fastest Woman by Kathleen Krull and illustrated by David Diaz

Galimoto by Karen Lynn Williams and Catherine Stock

Boundless Grace by Mary Hoffman
The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler

Please, Baby, Please
by Spike Lee, Tonya Lewis Lee, Kadir Nelson (Illustrator)

I Like Myself! 
by Karen Beaumont 

Of Thee I Sing: A Letter To My Daughters 
by Barack Obama 

Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters: An African Tale 
by John Steptoe 


I Love My Hair! 

by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley 

Whose Toes are Those? 

by Jabari Asim 

Goldilocks and the Three Bears - Fairy Tale Classics 

by John Kurtz 

Please, Puppy, Please 

by Spike Lee 

I Am Sacajawea, I Am York: Our Journey West with Lewis and Clark 
by Claire Rudolf Murphy

The Colors of Us 

by Karen Katz 

Mirandy and Brother Wind 
by Patricia C. McKissack 

Judy Moody
by Megan McDonald

Not All Princesses Dress in Pink  
by Jane Yolen and Heidi E. Y. Stemple 

Madeline 
by Ludwig Bemelmans 

Imogene’s Last Stand 
by Candace Fleming and Illustrated by Nancy Carpenter 

Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon
Written by Patty Lovell and Illustrated by David Catrow

The Princess Knight 
by Cornelia Funke and Illustrated by Kirsten Meyer

Matilda 
by Roald Dahl and Illustrated by Quentin Blake

 Rad American Women A-Z  
by Katie Schatz and Illustrated by Miriam Klein Stahl

Harriet The Spy 
by Louise Fitzhugh 

Grace For President
by Kelly S. DePucchio and Illustrated by LeUyen Pham

Miss Rumphius 
by Barbara Cooney 

The Paper Bag Princess 
by Robert Munsch and Illustrated by Michael Martchenko