The Ledge (Poem)

If it ever were to be like the weather
It would be like hail and snow
That bitterness is to me so tethered
I welcome in the cold
The thought doesn't exist that things could be better
Despair has moved into my soul
But somewhere from the heavens
Your voice cuts like a weapon
And my spirit, it just knows
You talk me down off that ledge
You talk me down off that ledge
Heart heavy as lead
Passionate but distressed
Baby you talk me down off that ledge
That thing in my chest
Fights demons in my head
But ultimately, you talk me down off that ledge
I found comfort up there
As wind assaulted my hair
Arms extended out in the air
Felt I could no longer do this
But your love, so deep for me, chooses
To take some of my pain and help bear
Amid this sea of ruins
You still find some beauty
And love like that is so fierce and so rare
That I back away smoothly
Increasing in vigor with every drop of a tear
Tears of joy for your bravery
For emancipating me
For the old skin I've managed to shed
Tears of joy for a reason
Finally a reason
to back up and walk of that ledge

Not Enough (Poem)

I don't love you enough
You love me with all you have
Forgive my faults; accept my past
If I'm in need you give your last
Lord know I'll never hesitate to ask
I know it is mine if it's in your grasp
Yet my tongue still delivers un to you such sass
because....
I just don't love you enough
Amazingly you still come for me
Mend all my wounds and stop the bleed

I say I'll try to make you see
That I'm worth the tears and worth the grief

And despite my actions you still believe
Even as I disappoint & I deceive
You trust in love as I trust in you being weak
So here you go caged bird, go ahead and be free
I. Do. Not. Love. You. Enough.
I am not a rare jewel
I am not good and bad fused
I am not in need of saving, I am abuse
The things I ask of you
Predicaments we go through
Love would never, ever ask that of you
Love is kind
And what I have is cruel
Do yourself a favor and let me go
Allow you to love you
I hear the words flow
As you grant me excuse after excuse
Daring to hope
That I'm just confused
I know.....
Read my lips: I know exactly what it is that I do
Find strength to get up
Sever yourself from us
Thank you for being so tough
But really, I just don't love you enough
Free yourself
Free yourself
Free yourself

Master Cleanse (my experience)

The Master Cleanse is quite popular. Also known as the "lemonade or Beyonce diet". I've been in search of an affordable detoxification process for quite some time. And as you can observe in the recipe listed below, this was right up my alley. You're supposed to "ease in" with our diet however as a pescatarian, my diet is decent enough. I dove right in.  I won't bore you with the specifics. It's easy to make and there are recipes all over the internet.

Main Ingredients for the Master Cleanse Recipe

• Pure Filtered Water
• Grade B Organic Maple Syrup, Formaldehyde free
• Organic Cayenne Pepper
• Organic Lemons
• Sea salt - Unrefined, (Not iodized) or Epsom Salt 

Optional Ingredients:

• Laxative tea
• Natural Herbal Tea (decaffeinated)

Day 1
The night before I drank a cup of herbal detox tea. In the morning I had my first sea salt flush and it took some time to ahem ..."flush" everything out. Afterwards I felt terrible. Headaches and stomach pain. I found strength to make a pitcher of the lemonade. 

A full day's serving:
60 oz. daily serving):
60 ounces of filtered water
12 Tablespoons of organic grade B maple syrup
12 Tablespoons of organic lemon juice
1/2 Teaspoon cayenne pepper powder

The upside was that I wasn't hungry. I did have moments where I would feel very unwell which I'm told is normal since your body is releasing toxins that will eventually be flushed out. Having the detox tea at night ended the entire ordeal on a tranquil note.

Day 2

The sea salt flush is a m***********! It cleans everything out....lol. "Mommy, bathroom again?" my son would exclaim. I can laugh at it now. Afterwards I was looking forward to the lemonade. I didn't even need to consume the daily amount. I had guest come over for the week and temptation eased it's way in however I was good. Tea time was gratifying as I noticed that I actually enjoyed my tea without any additional sweeteners. My taste buds were already reset. 

  Day 3

I broke down. My guest bought Haitian bread with them from New York City and I couldn't help but to have a tiny piece. I then decided to end my cleanse however T.N convinced me to do otherwise. Shocker, I know. He shocked me right back into the cleanse. No hunger. Just greed.

  Day 4

T.N out of habit asked me if I wanted McDonald's french fries while we were driving. My death glare quickly reminded him of my new found commitment. I wan's hungry however I did feel weak as I heard him order food for he and the children. I don't even like McDonald food that much. You just miss food. Like a lot! 

Day 5

I felt wonderful. Like I would never need food again. I must say it felt good to have one less thing on my mind. Meditation was easier. I took a break from working out and went to the sauna instead. Sweat never felt so delightful. So renewing. Still, I had family over and they were terrible temptations to the dark side. Also the children have been leaving food behind in their plates for a couple days and since I was the only one that would eat it, those scraps had to be thrown away. Having witnessed true poverty in a 3rd world country let me say that it burns my soul to watch food go to waste. Besides I was feeling so great, I wanted some Haitian bread dammit. So I gave in. And the simplest things were delectable. I will definitely do this again in the future.  

The cleanse was also spiritual for me. With all that meditation and discipline, it just came natural. I been over meat however seafood was something else. At the end of this cleanse I had no desires for animal flesh. I found the strength to become a vegetarian....full-time. Yay. *smile* 

Key Points 

• I only lasted 5 days (It should be done for 10 days minimum & 40 days maximum)
• I made a big batch every morning simply because it suited my lifestyle better 
• I only lost 4 pounds (literally a pound a day...looking over reviews made me feel like I would have lost more)
• It wasn't so bad. The lemonade actually tastes refreshing to me although there were reviews that stated otherwise.